✦Were You Being Honest With Yourself ?

I don't think so.

To be fair,
I grew up too soon.

I spent my youth,
chasing the forbidden.
words driven from the lips,
confessions remain hidden,
under the tongue.

I became so accustomed to thirst,
there was a drought in my well.

So I went looking for water,

in the hands of anyone

willing to offer me,

desperate enough to quench my thirst

with any vessel
my hands come across.

I searched for answers
in those who spoke 
as though they knew
the map of my body.

who dressed their words
 in truth
beneath the 
flame
of a burning lamp.

And only later, 
did I realize
some were Satan,

disguised as a creature.
offering directions
to places
I was never meant
to lose myself in.

I had faith in the light,
sick and tired
of the dingy air,
too comfortable in its presence,
I ordered a change.

I could scan a room,
anticipating details
like an archaeologist
in pursuit of a buried relic,
finding pleasure
in probing for solutions.

I tested my theories
against the people I trusted.
One disappointed me.

Others executed exactly
as I expected.
The results were
more than satisfactory.

I assumed every being
were a mathematical equation,
seducing me to decipher,
their mind and body.

I learnt to lock my heart
in a chamber, where;
"no trespassers were permitted".